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The Miracle That Is Cedric

Updated: Jan 30

I struggled with infertility for five years, and after finally trying in-vitro fertilization, my absolute dream came true.  This wonderful miracle happened.  We were finally parents.  I was a Mom!  How every fiber of our being oozed with love and joy for our son.  On August 11, 2000, Cedric Michael Weston Halloran was welcomed into this world, in Boulder, Colorado, to his loving, excited parents, and many cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends of the Halloran/Weston families. Cedric’s life was marked by his many travels, starting with road trips at 3 months to Montana, Oregon, Washington, Colorado, a semester in Oklahoma, and then taking his first steps at the Pepperdine Law retreat at Disneyland on his first birthday. Cedric went to the Malibu Jewish Center, Malibu Presbyterian, Webster Elementary, Our Lady of Malibu, Malibu High, Boulder High, and Agoura High. He spent his freshman year at Texas Christian University, which was abruptly interrupted by the pandemic in March 2020. Adjusting to online classes, Cedric enjoyed his teachers at Pierce College, and was thrilled at his acceptance to Pepperdine for Fall 2021.

Cedric loved his annual trips to the family farm in McMinnville, Oregon. As a baby, Cedric would be parked next to a blueberry bush or tennis court. He was “Spiderman” for approximately three years, refusing to wear anything else. Cedric was fierce on the soccer field, behind the pitcher’s mound, and spent endless hours on the skateboard. He was disappointed when he developed Osgood Schlatters that prevented him from boarding and sports in 7th grade. Cedric developed a love and talent for cooking, meticulous with his food preparation, execution, and plating. Cedric also had a green thumb for gardening. Cedric is sweet natured, brilliant and has his own very unique interests including gems, jewelry, and real estate - in fact he found our home, set up and managed an AirBnb for our pool house, and convinced us that we would both financially manage and fall in love with our home with Cedric as we have.

We traveled with Cedric and he became the trip planner for our many excursions around the world, to all continents, except Antarctica. Cedric’s travels include South Africa, Europe, Japan, Australia, with a special affinity for Columbia. In his many long road trips to Oregon, Colorado, and on, Cedric rode upfront with Dad asking millions of questions across the miles, while Mom and Lily & Rosie happily rode in the backseat listening. Cedric developed an acumen for finance, stock-trading, and investigated corporate stability before making his purchases. Cedric was blessed with family, friends, and in his final months, a loving friendship and connection with Ivy Leroux.

A parent thinks their child is safe at home.   What I did not know is that on Mother’s Day 2021, Cedric went to his favorite fast-food haunt, Pollo Loco, then to TJ Maxx to get me a very thoughtful card and gift (a beautiful candle and exercise ball), and to hit some golfballs the driving range and somewhere en route he got what he thought was a Xanax.  Cedric had seemed anxious the day before, nervous about a potential break-up, what he would do for the summer, the mind-racing chatter overtaking.  He had told me a few days earlier, “Mom, I’m quitting vaping.”  So he also may not have connected the nicotine withdrawal with his panic attack that kicked in that weekend.  Cedric prepared for me a fabulous Mother’s Day dinner – lamb chops, his chimichurri sauce was unparalleled.  He’s no longer here to cook for me.  Said he would take care of me.  He’s supposed to be here, thriving, living life and experience all it’s ups and downs...he's supposed to be here.  

The next day, I found Cedric in his room, unresponsive.  I tried CPR, the cops finally arrived and shot a Narcan up his nose, and said ‘he’s gone, Mam.”  Then it became like a crime scene and I was told to get out of his room.  I said, look here at his phone “unless you want to go to the next dead kid’s house,” get this person who gave my son fentanyl-laced pills.  Cedric’s room absolutely clean of any type of drug, but this was a one day, one bad decision, one pill kill.  The cop said “it was his choice mam, and the DA won’t prosecute anyway.”  It’s been almost three years.  And yes, no prosecution, no justice, and too many young people in a non-stop influencer and influenced society seeking some calm, relief, and duped by fake pills.  I thought my son was safe at home. I balanced giving him the autonomy a young adult needs, and now live with the endless loop of ‘what if I had …” regret, speculation, and powerlessness.

Cedric is the best son any parents could dream of and we love each other to the moon and back. I’m still a Mom.  I’ll never understand why this happened, but I would pay the price of this grief torture for the few years of bliss that my child brought to my life, and I’m looking forward to the afterlife to be reunited with my son. 

Cedric, I love you forever.

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